Show Down at the Old Chorale

My girl Dionne’s article  inspired my blog today.

Momtourage.com http://www.momtourage.com/whats-best-way-deal-sibling-squabbles

This is the comment I left on the page to her article about sibling squabbles:

I will leave a comment but I need to blog about this myself because I am the mother of four girls and they don’t just squabble at times. But I understand totally what you are saying Dionne about not knowing what to do about it sometimes and just not wanting to deal with it at all sometimes. It’s an all day affair for me on some days and they even switch up partners and take turns going at it with more than one sister. At times I agree that my thirteen year old daughter deserved to get swung on by my tenyear old when she keeps trying to irritate her by licking her face over and over again. That’s disgusting and nasty when she does it on purpose to irritate her. But in those times where enough is enough and it’s all about nothing and all I want it to do is STOP, I’m at a lost for constructive approaches to dissipate the tension in the moment. I’m at the point where I can’t think straight any more. My nerves are on the outside of my body.

At first the friction came as a shock to me being an only child when I started to witness the squabbles. I had to go and speak to women who had same sex siblings. My fantasy about having a sister and being in eternal bliss forever when I was younger was not very realistic I see now. Then their squabbles escalate to “Throw Downs” in my house sometimes. Most of the time as Dionne said in her article they have learned to resolve their conflict in a more positive and less volatile manner as they have matured. Unless someone eats the other person’s red velvet cupcake or leftovers from Red Lobster in the fridge then it’s on like hot butter popcorn! I have to laugh to keep from crying sometimes. But then at the same time, don’t let anybody else try to hurt one of them because it’s no longer a “Throw Down” between sisters but it’s an all out butt kicking time by the four sisters. I will continue this on my blog.

Blog Continuation:

Now I will share just one of the many memories that came to mind when reading Dionne’s piece this morning. A milestone for my ten year old daughter because it was the first time she retaliated against my thirteen years old daughter. It caught all of us totally off guard especially my thirteen years old who then realized for the first time her sister was a worthy opponent and don’t come at her if you aren’t ready to deal. Now let me set this up for you. My ten years old is not a morning person. Since a toddler she can’t even eat before she has been awake for a while in the morning or it will make her sick. Her body just can’t get it together quickly. She is as slow as …you finish it for me. She needs time to sit and contemplate her world for that day before she can get moving in the morning. She’ll get out of the shower on any given day and has to sit on the couch, think and relax before she can begin her day or life is just not right for her. The day of this particular incident we had gotten up late and there was no time for her to get her life straight for the day. Needless to say she was “STANK” and out of sorts! Let me also just say she is still a tomboy and doesn’t mind getting rough with it which will be relevant later in the story. My thirteen year old daughter has just become aware this year that sometimes she can torment her ten year old sister to the extreme by playing mind games with her and does it as an activity for her own enjoyment. Normally resulting in the ten year old screaming and calling me to step in and work out some conflict resolution between them. The thirteen year old is the diva girl personality and can be very sneaky and selfish with her stuff at times. These details will also be significant later in the story. The tension between them had been building for months and I knew very soon in the near future a “Show Down” was about to take place between them. Well that “Show Down” came to pass that day.

It was early morning and we were leaving the house and loading up the car to go to school. My mother went outside to start loading them in the car and I was turning off lights and closing up the house. Somebody had forgotten their lunch bag so my mother came back into the house to get it. She goes back outside while I’m still in the hall by the front door putting on my coat. All of a sudden I hear her screaming, “Stop it! Stop it! You’re going to hurt each other!” I run outside to see what is going on. When I get out there I see my mother reaching and pulling inside the car. Two drunks had stopped in front of my gate because of the ruckus in my car. As I run to the car I hear them saying “Cat Fight!” and laughing. I almost turned around to impart some choice words to them but in that instant I saw my ten year old pushing my thirteen year old daughter’s head against the window on the passenger side in the front of the car. We have three rows of seats in my truck. My ten year old daughter’s seat in the morning is in the third row. Well sister had jumped up into the front and proceeded to whip the fourteen year old daughter’s butt screaming, “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH of her! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! While trying to punch her and get her off of her arm. It resulted in her also pushing her sister’s head against the car window. I ran around into the street to the passenger side and pried my ten year old daughter off of her sister in the front seat. The thirteen year old was in shock. My mother and I were in shock too. The two other sisters eight year old and six year old weren’t aware of the seriousness of the matter. They were reading their books and used to the drama and screaming between them so didn’t even look up. They had no idea until afterwards what had happened. I had to drag the ten year old in the house to calm her down. She was in a zone.

I hate to say it but behind my back my thirteen year old was flexing her muscles of control over the ten year old as a bully. Yes, my sweet little daughter was being a bully which led to my babies having a “Show Down” at the old Chorale inside my car at eight o’clock in the morning. Since then we have discussed anger management with the ten year old but me being on the inside of it, it really wasn’t all that deep. The thirteen year old had been bullying her for months. I had told her to stop and had even punished her about it but some folks got to learn the hard way. The only way she would remember not to bully her sister again was to get beat up for it. Lucky for her it was her sister and I was there to pull her off of her. The ten year old responded like a child who had been bullied for months and felt cornered. What set it off that morning; the ten year old did all she could do to get her mind together by listening to music on the radio in the car. She hadn’t had her time to chill and get centered for the day on the couch after her shower. While she was listening to the radio in the car waiting for me, the thirteen year old changed the station. When the ten year old went to the front of the car to change it back, the thirteen year old grabbed her arm and slapped her in the face in a playing manner or by mistake she said. Well that’s all she wrote and the “Show Down” began.

Now when I tell the story I can’t help but laugh. At the time I was infuriated with both of them. I couldn’t believe what happened. Called their father to talk to both of them and was ready to take them to counseling of some sort. After talking to them as a family and many women with sisters apparently this is how it has to go down sometimes in claiming your space in the hierarchy of the family. Now of course maybe not to this degree but all of my girls are rough tomboys and go at it hard. The thirteen year old has become glamorous recently in her development as an individual but she can still bring it rough if she has to. Now we all laugh at it because my thirteen year old says now in retrospect, she didn’t know her sister was that strong. Then she had caught her off guard jumping from the back of the car so quickly. She even had to laugh at the moment when her head was hitting up against the window. She said in her mind all she could think about was when was I going to get out there and break it up. My ten year old daughter’s response still remains the same, “I had had ENOUGH of her!” They have always loved each other to the moon and back, always taken care of each other and would do anything in the world for each other. All four of them are very close knit sisters and like I said before don’t let anyone else think they are going to hurt one of them either. I guess there are just some boundaries you don’t cross even with your sisters.